Parks and Recreation and Ron Swanson's Best 20 Quotes…
To celebrate the release of the new series of Parks and Recreation on DVD, we've rounded up the 20 best quotes from the show's most beloved character, Ron Swanson, the head of the parks department, lover of scotch and breakfast food, hater of taxes and vegetables…
"I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food."
"Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable."
"When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them."
(Asked if he would like some salad) "Since I am not a rabbit, no, I do not".
(Sat in front of two huge steaks) "I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16 oz T-bone and a 24 oz porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American."
"History began on July 4th, 1776. Anything before that was a mistake."
(On bowling) "Straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating."
(Asked how he exercises) "Lovemaking and woodworking"
"Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something."
"The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."
"Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard."
(Asked if his family has any history of mental illness) "I have an uncle who does yoga"
"Strippers do nothing for me…but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace."
"I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief."
"Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon."
"Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are useless."
"On my death bed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rushed to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to Hell one last time. Would I get married again? Oh, absolutely. If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living?"
(On America) "The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so! To me, that's beautiful."
"Clear alcohol is for rich women on diets"
"Are you going to tell a man he can't fart in his own car?"
The fifth season of Parks and Recreation will be released on DVD on Monday (May 19th) in hmv stores all over the UK.